Dr. Sonia Begert
English 99
18 July 2011
Importance of Self Esteem
Teachers play a major role in the development of a child (s) self-esteem, as with any profession, the education system is made up of educators whom are dedicated and those that prefer summers off. My low self-esteem issues began in the fall of my third grade year. It was here I would experience comprehension problems and declining grades. I was afraid to take papers home and scared of my teachers. As a young girl, I was still forming my ability to adapt, regulate my emotions and find my voice.
My ultimate demise came at my third grade parent teacher conference. I was sent out of the room. The disappointed look on my parent's faces said it all. There I was, an eight year old child who knew she would never be good enough for the teachers or her parents.
The summer before fourth grade proved to be one of punishment from my performance the year before. That horrible year seemed to follow me like a predator stalking its prey. As I sit here now as an adult, I still remember those horrible days. Fourth grade was a year of "special" help. I was singled out for the “extra help” with discouraged looks from the teachers, the other students and especially my family. My fourth grade teacher was like the “Wicked Witch” of Fairview Elementary School. She was already coming across as unfriendly and now I needed to ask for help. She of course was never available so that I could get the help needed because she was always with the Enrichment Students and I felt so intimidated to ask again for help. Odds were that by the time class was about over, she had forgotten that had even asked anyways. I forced to sit there an listen to the "Wicked Witch" of Fairview Elementary. She was one of the most unfriendly, unavailable, hopeless teachers that a child could have. The "Enrichment" kids were held up on a pedestal, their every whim catered to. She would intimidate and talk down to me as if I were dirt on the bottom of her shoes. Would she ever remember that a scared little girl needed to ask a question? Would she remember that little girl who was classified to be " not as smart" as her fellow peers and wanted to please everyone?
I would let my parents know everyday after school. I hated going to school. I hated my teacher! Just as the year before, same complaint, just another year. I often wondered if anyone else in my class was having similar problems. You’ve heard a child complain of their teacher before. The comments like, “I don’t like that teacher.” or “I really enjoy school and my teacher this year.” For me I would often hear back “It is not nice to say that about your teacher.”, my voice still left unheard.
Teachers have a huge impact on children, they have our children in class 5 days out of a week for about six hours a day. There I was, subjected to 30 hours a week of damaging self-esteem. I started to become very discouraged with figuring things out. I felt alone and lost, like I had just jumped in the rabbit hole to join the tea party with Alice. I didn’t know which direction to take. I was an emotional train ride. Here I was struggling, when my older sister kept bringing home achievements. I would always hear of her accomplishments and it was not that I did not want to have the same things.
My Grandma Grace dedicated her time helping me with homework. She could see I had reading comprehension issues and just needed someone that would be able to give me that little extra push. No matter how long it took, grandma would sit with me each night until all homework or studying was done. Some children would have dreaded this time, but I looked forwarded to it each night. Finally, I was getting some help, I appreciated every minute of it. Eventually, she even hired me a tutor when needed.
Fifth grade arrived and I thought I was ready. Little did I know, the work was going to be a little bit harder and we would be switching classes. Not only did I have the “Wicked Witch” of Fairview Elementary again for some subjects, but I had her evil twin for my fifth grade teacher. Before the end of my first week of fifth grade my troubles had already begun, it was going to be a long school year.
I immediately went home and let my parents know all that was going on, and they came to school. Apparently the teachers had conversations about me before school had even begun and I felt at that very moment I just wanted to disappear. I was not a bad child, I behaved in school. I was not understanding what made me such a problem. They wanted me to be tested because they agreed that I was “mentally retarded”. It was a total nightmare for me. They went as far as wanting me tested at the county mental health clinic.
It was a cold winter break, the tree branches were all iced over. While other children were able to stay home to play with their Christmas toys and enjoy the fresh fallen snow, I was having to get ready for the meeting with the mental health doctor. I didn’t want to go! I remember being called back to the doctors room. I felt like I was walking down the hall that would never end and when the door shut, it sounded like a tomb was just sealed for eternity. Then out came the paper and pen, flashcards and he asked tons of questions. I let him know exactly how I felt, how the teachers made me feel. There was nothing wrong with me and the doctor agreed, he reported back to the school district as well, I was vindicated! I was so happy when school ended that year, except I failed fifth grade.
It was the first day of a new year, I was depressed having to repeat the fifth grade. All my classmates were moving on, I was sure to be teased. Right before we were to catch the bus, my dad let me know I wouldn’t be riding the bus to school because I would be attending MacDonald Elementary and they wanted to take me to meet my teachers. Mixed emotions overwhelmed my mind, finally my parents were taking me out of that “institution”! I was scared to death, but just like Mike Rose, I knew from that point on my education was going to be my responsibility. In order to have a future I was going to have to set higher goals. My life was going to be what I made of it, not how a teacher made me feel about myself. A new year, a new school, a new beginning!
My prayers were answered when I came home my first day to let my family know about my great day and I was excited to return. No longer was I afraid of the teachers, I was receiving the same help my grandma was able to give me and I was not being embarrassed in front of my classmates. I was no longer being treated like a “labeled” student.
How many of you remember your favorite teacher or your not so favorite teacher? Just like I remember the “Wicked Witch” of Fairview Elementary and her evil twin, I also remember my favorite teacher, Mrs. Montgomery. She helped me build goals toward succeeding through school after my horrible experience and because of her and all of her encouragement she gave me along the way, I received A’s and B’s throughout the rest of my school years and graduated top 20 of the Class of 1994. This shows how important teachers roles play in education along with self esteem. Along with our parents and grandparents, teachers are also our earliest influences.
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